"The Past is a helpful school, but because of Christ, it does Not have to be a prison"
I break and I am understood.
I feel and it feels good.
I cry and the tears leave my eyes.
I turn my hips and they’re facing blind.
I listen when words are spoken for good.
I bend when it yields to what it should.
Anonymous asked: I've been struggling a lot with where I'm at now, as a person, and my ideal self. There's a guy that I would LOVE to date, but I feel like I'm not good enough for him. In short, he's accomplished and reallyyy attractive. I don't know how to gather the courage to be vulnerable enough to not be afraid of coming up empty to him; physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm nowhere where I wish I was right now, in any of those areas. I just feel shamed and frustrated.
I’m always humbled by the scripture that says we ought to have sober judgement of ourselves and there’s a balance in that, and the point is to focus on Jesus and stop focussing on yourself. I think this idea of sober judgement applies to how you view others as well. It’s okay to admire people, but don’t highly-esteem them. People are just people. If you’re a Christian, you are being made into the likeness of Christ, and He is the best part of you. A heart that radiates the love of God is the most amazing characteristic of anyone you could ever be with. We are all works in progress, so don’t be so critical of yourself.
Why do you feel ashamed? You can be confident in who you are in Christ and by making much of Him, love others and stop being so inwardly focussed. Why don’t you start hanging out with that guy with a group of mutual friends? Why don’t you ask him to hang out? It has nothing to do with him being better than you. He isn’t. He’s just a guy. If he’s arrogant or rude or just doesn’t want to hang out for whatever reason, who cares?
Who do you want to be? Make choices that uphold the lifestyle you want to have. If you want to be healthy, start running. If you want to be smarter, read more. If you want to grow closer to God, spend time with Him. Don’t go through life with such a defeated attitude, or I guarantee your joy will be limited. But changing all those things will not make you any more worthy of a person. Ask the Lord to refine your view of him so you won’t be so consumed and discouraged by thoughts of self.
You either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don’t have that kind of time to convince somebody else.
while writing is a beautiful, magical, wonderful thing, seemingly transporting one into a memory, like all translations, there is something in each and every memory that can never be quite properly expressed, even by photo, video, or drawing: the infinitesimal, fleeting, seemingly unimportant moments that exist only in that instant and when one later retrieves those moments, carefully piecing each together to create the memory’s mosaic that cannot ever be fully described, only experienced.
Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.
I haven’t written anything in a while, and it’s mainly because I keep promising myself I’ll blog (on my real blog), but never get the chance to.
Just some things on my mind:
- I miss my family, my friends, my home. I miss comfort.
- I’m starting to fall in love with this city
- I might get lung cancer before I go back
- Alternating between “YOLO” and “Stephanie be a good girl” thoughts
- I should stop judging people
- Maybe then I’ll stop thinking everyone’s judging me
- How much water did I drink today? whatarelitersIhavenoidea
- excitement & dread mix easily, not necessarily well
- I never want to write one of those “Study Abroad Blogs” that just try to make people jealous of the cool things they do abroad…I want to tell it like it is, the good and the bad, the highs and the lows
- Should I journal this? I never journal anyway (well does bullet journaling count??)…